"Rust and Stardust" | T. Greenwood

This novel hit me like a curveball. "Rust and Stardust" by T. Greenwood is beautiful, harrowing, and chilling, something I needed to read when I did.

Before I dive too far into the review: it tells the true crime story of Sally Horner, an eleven-year old in Camden, New Jersey who was kidnapped by Frank LaSalle—a mechanic who had just gotten out of jail for a previous kidnapping and sex crime charge. Though it does detail real events, the author wrote in her acknowledgements that a lot of the expansions and characters in this novel are fictionalized, and the sentiments are imaginings based off of what she knew of the story.

That being said, this novel tug at my heartstrings like I never expected it too. I picked this up off the shelf on a whim a couple weeks ago, thinking nothing of it, and only even seeing it because the cover caught my eye. But as I fell into the story two days ago, I found myself fascinated.

The plot was dark and disturbing, and at times had me putting down the book so that I could take a breather, calm down, and remind myself that this was all over. But that is the thing; there is little solace to take in reading this story, for it was real. It happened. And it is happening today, in some form, somewhere in the world. That kind of reality to the darkness that is smattered across the pages makes it a difficult, but also compelling read. Rarely do we see authors daring to dive so deep into the psyche of people who have gone through such horrors.

And in her fictionalization, Greenwood built in characters and moments that were almost beautiful, shining stars of happiness to allow Sally, such a young girl, to survive such horrors. For it is logical that for an eleven-year old to come out alive after a two year ordeal filled with unspeakable terrors, there must have been bright moments, figures and images to cling onto that allowed her to see something other than the silky darkness of her situation. And it was these—characters such as Ruth or her teachers—that made this novel not just bearable to read (well, that and the fact that a lot of abuse scenes were written around, dodged or using vague language so we didn't have to fully confront the awful details), but also a fascinating and twistedly beautiful piece of work.

It helps, of course, that Greenwood was able to craft this story with a deft hand, her writing that of an expert as she traverses various viewpoints and situations. She's not flashy with it, drawing up tight connections and details and syntax that make the story ebb and flow at her will rather than drafting long paragraphs stuffed with purple prose. She describes the world in a unique way, weighs in and holds back, and switches perspectives at the perfect time. It is the combination of this, the subtleties in her writing that make it so wonderful, and so fitting to write this novel.

There were moments throughout the book where things felt disjointed or glossed over, days that were written that seemed to perfect and painted Sally as too unbothered to ring true with me, and that presented the only real issue I had with this novel. I worry that it bordered on the edge of romanticizing such a situation, not intentionally but because in an effort to highlight the way people cling onto beauty and light in times of darkness, the darkness began to get edged out of the story. However, these moments were few and far between, and not enough to discount the novel as a successful work.

Despite the dark subject matter and the level of reality to it that makes it feel even more daunting, this novel is, undeniably beautiful. It tells of some of the worst horrors of this world, while still highlighting its beauty. It shows the vileness of humanity, but also the resilience of it.

Greenwood handled the story and subject matter with ease, encompassing exactly what it means to be a writer, hitting the nail right on the head with this one.

Characters: 95%

Plot: 100%

Depth: 100%

Style: 100%

Intrigue: 100%

Overall Rating: A+

"Kingdom Of Ash" | Sarah J. Maas

I'm writing this review far in hindsight, so some of the details might be vague and some of the feelings muddled, but boy do I have a lot to say about this novel.

"Kingdom of Ash" is the seventh and final novel in Sarah J. Maas' popular "Throne of Glass" series, and it tells the story of Aelin and her friends as they embark in the final war against the dark forces that threatened them and their world. I won't go into much more detail, for it would get far too complex and take up the entire page just trying to explain each and every plotline.

Going into this, I was a little bit wary, as I liked A Court of War and Ruin—the only other novel we have from Maas that ended a series, but I found myself with lingering dissatisfaction when I thought of the novel. I wasn't sure how she would end this series, but I was unsure if she could do it well; everything seemed so scattered, too many loose ends flailing too far from one another, and her track record not incredible in my opinion.

To say I was pleasantly surprised is an understatement.

On the whole, I was very happy with this novel. Despite being nearly a whopping 1,000 pages, I didn't feel like I was drowning in pagecount while I read the novel, and between following Aelin's terrible journey in the hands of Maeve, to seeing reunions of characters who'd been long separated, to watching the epic final battle, I felt engrossed for the most of the time.

To keep it simple, I was satisfied with the loose ends Maas tied up, the ending a tear-jerker, though a bit dragged out if you ask me. A good chunk of the novel was dedicated to the final battle, which I really appreciated (particularly as a reader who has read too many novels that shove the climactic scenes into thirty pages and call it a day), and some of the revelations made in this novel tied back to details laid out early in the series, which I adored.

However, I think the truth of it is, Maas was juggling a few too many point of views and storylines. Though I think she did the best she could, and don't get me wrong, her writing was good in this novel, however we were split into so many points of view across so many parts of the world that I found myself confused or at times wondering about other characters. We had Aelin being locked away with Maeve and Rowan on his search through the continents to find her, Aedion and Lysandra fighting battles away from the rest of the characters, Yrene and Chaol sailing back from the Southern continent and then returning to Chaol's home, Dorian and the Thirteen hunting for the Crochan witches, and that is just a summary, leaving out a lot of other main characters who had perspectives in the same settings as some of the above listed. Any author, no matter how skilled, would have trouble juggling so many different settings and characters and storylines, and the thing I think I felt the most while reading this novel was wonder about the other character's whereabouts.

Though I loved the scene where they all met in the end, it felt tiring at times to switch to another point of view in another setting and try to remember what had been happening with them. There were times where I felt confused about who was where, or lacking backstory or depth to some of the short snippets we got. And those shortcomings are inevitable with any novel trying to deal with so many different storylines at once, however it was frustrating to get brief glimpses of Chaol and Yrene—who I had grown to love after "Tower of Dawn"—interspersed, or to get a random point of view from Lysandra that didn't seem to contribute too much, where I spent more time trying to remember where and who she and the army were fighting than I did paying attention to what was happening.

All of that being said, I do think the character arcs in this novel were done brilliantly, and I found myself barely resenting Aelin and Rowan, a big step up from where I left on in Empire of Storms. Their love felt more deep, their bond feeling realistic and mature in this novel, a big step outside of what they'd been in past installments. Watching Dorian grow as a character, develop a willingness to sacrifice himself for his people and his country, and grow into the King he was meant to be was a pleasure, and Maas wielded him beautifully. The scenes in Morath with him were perfect, just what I needed leading up to his reunion with the rest of the characters and the final battle.

Reading the scene where the Thirteen sacrifice themselves was absolutely heart-shattering, the description of the loss Manon felt after that and the pain that the whole army seemed to suffer in awe of their death was done so well I practically felt like I lost people myself.

There were so many moments of this novel that were beautiful, Maas flowery writing shining through with a couple lines that I know will stay with me for a long time.

And at its heart, this is a novel about dreamers, people willing to fight tooth and blood and sacrifice themselves for these dreams, for a world that was better than the one they'd been born into. And at its heart, I think I could never hate a book with those themes because they resonate so deeply with me.

To end this review, I'll leave you with a quote that embodies what I just described.

"There's a better world out there, and I have seen it."

~~

Characters: 85%

Plot: 90%
Depth: 85%
Style: 90%
Intrigue: 95%
Overall Rating: B+

Why I Love NaNoWriMo

As November drew to a close, I got thinking on the idea of NaNoWriMo—the very popular organization that facilitates writing a novel (50,000 words) in a month.

It takes the literary world by storm, thousands and thousands of authors, some published, others teens trying their hand at novels for the very first time, sitting down to work on their NaNo novel. And amidst all of the buzz, I found myself reflecting on it.

I've been participating in NaNo for years now, and every time November begins, I giddily plan and write until my wrists ache.

However, I'm going to let you in on a little secret: I almost never win. I've had years where I rocket through the word count in the first three weeks, but most of the time, I don't even reach the 50,000 words. So why do I do it, year after year, knowing I likely will get busy and fall short of the word count?

There are a few reasons:

First and foremost, it is a prompt to write. Even if you won't get to the 50,000 words, even if you barely write 2,000 that month, it gets your creative juices flowing, lets ideas begin marinating, and forces you to sit down at your computer and at least try.

And in my experience with writing, that is almost 80% of the process. Once you're on that creative wave, once you have the words flowing, the rest is easy. And having something to get you over that hurdle, something that gives you a specific reason to write, is incredibly helpful in getting those words going.

Many of my favorite pieces have come out of NaNo projects that, though bad when I first wrote them one cold November night, had kernels in them that were golden and spawned a beautiful story.

Second, a community of writers come together for NaNo in ways they rarely do other times. When you're doing NaNo, you're doing what writers across the world are doing, and the energy that comes from that, the community that is raised, is a feeling that will get you motivated and inspired unlike anything else in my experience.

To have that scaffolding, that backing of writers who are doing what you are and want you to succeed just as bad as you do is unique and something to be treasured. It's rare in an industry like ours to find so much love and support, and getting to see that has been fulfilling in ways I never expected it to.

Third, it reminds me how to be creative. I know, it sounds dumb, seeing as I write consistently, but as writers, we can become pageblind; we can forget the process, forget how organic it is, and fall into the syntax and the characters of the one idea we are working with. It's easy to lose inspiration and to stop mining for ideas, and NaNo helps me get out of that.

In October of every year, when I know it's time to start planning for my November novel, having to dig up ideas, draw on the events of the past year of my life for inspiration, and piece together a new story so quickly, I remember what it is to be creative; I remember that creative high. And during NaNo, if you hit a hitch in your novel, you must work around the issue to finish on time, rather than put off that plot issue or character fault. Working so quickly, being forced to confront these things, reminds me how to be creative, and it consistently re-teaches me why I love what I do so much.

So despite the fact that I know I likely won't win, every year when November rolls around, I sit down begin writing my NaNo novel, because even if what I produce is messy and unfinished and beneath the word count, it's something, and the experience every time makes it beyond worth it.

The Power of Words

As someone who spends a lot of their time immersed in the world of words, sometimes I lose a grip on why I love it so much. It's not that I lose hope in words, or that I fall out of love with language, it's that I become so blind to what I'm doing and so exhausted from constant work, that sometimes I forget about the spark that ignites in me whenever I read or write.

Now, from being in this community for a long time, I know that's not particularly uncommon. And frankly, we all need breaks from things we do a lot, even if we love them. Hence reading slumps, writer's block, etc. But sometimes, after long months of being uninspired, in rare moments when the cosmos seem to bleed together and brew the perfect moment, you're reminded just of why words are so powerful.

For me this happened a few weeks ago. It was a grey day, the first chill of autumn creeping into the air. I'd been slowly chugging my way through "Big Magic" by Elizabeth Gilbert, and on this day I was possessed by an inexplicable desire to devour it. So I sat down in a free hour I had and sped through the ending of the book. Upon finishing it, my eyes were wide, my heart was pounding, and every thought of mine was refocused back to writing.

It had been a long time since I'd been so inspired. Her writing is beautiful, of course, and her metaphors are masterful, but she also has that magic that she writes about. Her words carry with them a preternatural ability to move you, to get you out of your worries and fears and onto the computer to get writing, or acting, or whatever it is you love and want to pursue.

As she urged the reader, "So please calm down now and get back to work, okay? The treasures that are hidden inside you are hoping you will say yes," I felt electric, like I'd been struck with the brilliance and the magic of the world upon which us writers and readers operate.

But I couldn't sit and stew on this moment. I couldn't revel in the energy that coursed through me, or jump on the train of adrenaline that was making my fingers itch to write. I'd bought tickets to see Porsha Olayiwola perform "Black and Ugly As Ever," and it was time for me to leave.

So, still radiating the creativity that Gilbert had instilled, I hopped on the train and shot over to see Olayiwola's performance. And needless to say, it was incredible. As she whisked us through her life, her experiences, and the flaws in our culture, I felt that energy in me heightening. It didn't fizzle, or drain out as sometimes happens when you let it sit. Instead, it grew, multiplying and spawning something I hadn't felt in a long time.

As Olayiwola stood before a crammed club and bellowed, "I'm so black I'm not alive, just not buried yet" and "Every time I twirled my afro out, I knew I was some kind of rebellion," I felt the energy in the room crackling.

My world was flowing and ebbing, the fibers of my brain coming undone and forging themselves anew. See, it is rare moments like that where the power of words becomes so apparent, so intense that it overwhelms you, that it seems to beat in every breath in the sweaty room, seems to twine with the stars and sing in the streets. It is not every day that you feel so intensely, so powerfully about how much words mean and the command they hold. Experiences like those are fleeting, blessings in a way. And I couldn't be more grateful.

You see, I was in a slump, dawdling in an unmotivated state. I hadn't written in weeks, I was barely getting through novels. I felt like I was drowning in work, and the world was starting to look more and more bland.

But words are more powerful than that. They are sometimes wretched and cruel, but they are powerful. And when you need them most, they sweep through and remind you just why you love them so much.

So if you are in the position I was in just a few weeks ago—feeling uninspired, not good enough, lost, or dazed—then let this be my beckon to you. Re-immerse yourself in the world of words. Don't give up, don't lose yourself now.

Keep chipping away at that novel you're reading, write a little bit every day, even if you have to gut the words out of yourself. Because I promise, you'll get your moment as well. You won't be uninspired forever.

As long as you keep trying, inspiration will strike again, and you'll remember awe-inspiring power of words for whatever reason it was.

And once they do, you'll be unstoppable.

"Vicious" by V.E. Schwab | Book Review

*Contains spoilers*

For anyone who follows my reading habits, you'll know I'm a sucker for Victoria Schwab. I find her writing dynamic, her worlds engrossing, and her characters fascinating. I've read all of her work and come out of all of it with an overall positive opinion of each one—a rarity for an author with so many books published. However, "Vicious" is, without a doubt, my favorite of her works, and upon my re-read of it, I'm elated to say I loved it just as much as the first time.

"Vicious" is the story of two college roommates who, in researching for their thesis believe that an ExtraOrdinary (EO, for short)—a phenomenon thought to be nothing more than an urban myth or a bedtime story—is made from the trauma a person suffers when they have a near death experience. From there, Victor pushes Eli to test it with him, and once they become EOs, things spiral out of control. It's a tale of loss, of revenge, of anger, and of jealousy. And it's brilliant. 

My favorite thing about this book is the dynamic between Victor and Eli. Their characters are the definition of morally grey. Both have done evil things and both have done great things. Eli is obviously the villain, and in him believing whole-heartedly that what he is doing is right, stemming from a fear within himself at what he became after his near-death experience, he becomes infinitely more complex than your stereotypical villain. And that's why I love this novel. It isn't driven by stereotypes or tropes, it's driven by dilemmas and sentiments that could easily be real. In a way, you can almost see yourself being in his position with all the life events that lead to where he is in the novel, and that's beautiful. Not knowing who you like and who you don't because every character is messed up in some way is as refreshing as ice cold water on a summer's day.

The storyline, as a result of those elaborate character dynamics, is also incredibly interesting. There is clashing, but not in the way that you're used to. The story being told at all different times, with conflict being more a series of moves and countermoves over a decade until the very end when they finally do meet, makes it a fascinating read. Piecing together the story as we go is part of the fun as a reader. And the dazzling end where Victor essentially arranges for his own death so that Mitch could kill Serena is nothing short of the genius I'd expect from Schwab.

But the brilliance of this story goes beyond the elements of storytelling for me. You can tell as you read the Schwab is researched in trauma and how the body processes it. And in a way, you find yourself wondering if maybe—just maybe—becoming an ExtraOrdinary is possible in our world. That real-life connection, the science she puts behind the premise of her book that makes it feel so real adds volumes to the novel as a whole.

Schwab handles her worlds and her characters deftly, always seeming to have a perfect scope for the knife she wields, but it shines through brightest in "Vicious." This book is intelligent, complicated, well thought out, and enormously captivating. If you haven't read it, do so. It's absolutely incredible.

As I'm sure you guessed, this one earns super high ratings of: 

Characters: 98%

Plot: 100%

Depth: 100%

Style: 100%

Intrigue: 95%

Overall rating: 98%

100 Word Stories

In the vein of writing exercises, I think 100-word stories are my favorite.

For those of you who don't know, or haven't surmised from their name, 100-word stories aim to tell a story or catch a moment in just one hundred words. I first learned to work on these in a beginning fiction writing class that I took, and after the few we did, I became obsessed. I spent 100 days where I wrote one 100-word story each day. And from it, I believe, my craft grew.

Here's why: 100-word stories force you to be concise—more concise than you've likely ever had to write before. In terms of writing, words are commerce, and to be able to use fewer of them to get across you're point, that's gold. Writing 100-word stories help you to learn to use every word to your greatest advantage. It teaches you to scrap what is bad, gratuitous, and even what is good, leaving in only the best to tell that which you want to convey.

Furthermore, it stretches your mind creatively. If you make a habit of writing these, no matter how frequently or infrequently, you'll have to open you creative well in a way that you haven't before. The more you write, the more new ideas you'll have to come up with of people, situations, and feelings that you want to show in the story. The fast-paced creation process of it is not only fun, but it helps rekindle your muse and your creativity in ways that working on a novel for long periods of time sometimes cannot.

In fact, if I ever find myself lacking ideas, or not writing anymore, I write 100-word stories. It throws me back into the thick of things, it gets me excited to write again, and they're quick. They lack commitment. They're much less daunting (albeit, editing these to be 100 words can be quite a task) and they're informative to your craft. It still feels productive, and you still get that creative rush after writing them, but because of their length, you're not pledging yourself to anything long and arduous.

And, the last reason I love them is because they can be anything. You can write them for any genre, for any person; the possibilities with them are limitless. You can experiment with ideas you've always had but never had the guts to commit to; you can dip your toe in genres you've always admired but never thought you could write; you could write the wildest, strangest tale you've dreamt up in just those 100 words. It's truly a beautiful thing to do.

Below are some of the stories I wrote over my 100 day challenge to myself.

Freedom

He walked cautiously, his eyes peeled and his heart pounding. The only sound in the streets besides the creaking of the winding trees were his footsteps against the damp and cracked sidewalk.

He wasn’t quite sure why, but he felt like he was waiting for someone, as if he was breaking rules. Like this couldn’t be allowed—like admonishment awaited him if he were caught.

The further he went, the more his mind wandered, getting lost in the rich landscape that lived inside of it, and slowly the stress uncurled itself from his chest.

Oh this freedom—it was a strange thing.

Unheard

Skidding. She was skidding out of control. The smell of rubber, heat rising in the front seat, and the screeching sounds of the tires on pavement.

And the fear that pounded in her chest. The fear that poisoned her body and shook her hands. She was turning the wheel like mad, trying to straighten her car out as the speedometer dropped too slowly.

The wall in front of her was fast approaching, a reminder of what awaited.

In her final moment, she moved her hands away from the wheel and looked up, breathing out her final, desperate words.

“I’m sorry.”

To Write

Her fingers sped across the keyboard in a frenzy.

She’d began with a promise—a promise to write down her thoughts. The thoughts that every day were so loud they were suffocating, demanding attention, squeezing out anything but those calamitous words that trammeled through her mind.

Yet as she wrote, her words turned to sentences, those sentences turning to paragraphs, those paragraphs transforming into pages. Slowly, the words, once so insignificant, became a breathing manifestation of her. Slowly, the stories she created breathed life back into a broken, scarred soul.

She paused, leaning back and smiling.

Yes—finally, her mind was silent.

Sharpen

The walls were chipping. I stood in the center of a mess, untouched from when I left it all those years ago.

Old clothes on one side, a dusty guitar laying in the corner, a stack of board games, the top one undisturbed from when I’d last played it. It all seemed fake.

Through the windows, golden shafts of sunlight filtered into the room, the colors reminding of the vibrancy that once was, juxtaposing the shell of a person I’d become. I sighed, the nugatory void I’d become now very apparent.

Oh, how the jaded world could change you.

Beautiful Anarchy

It was a spur of the moment decision.

It was a thing of beauty, and a thing of anarchy.

The engine revved, his hands sweating and his body buzzing at the adrenaline. More. He wanted more. The car moved faster, the lamp posts turning into exaggerated blurs as he sped across the vacant road. He’d never felt more alive.

And then he stopped. The world around him came back into focus. And he let out a breath.

What he’d done was reckless, mad even—but there was no denying it. With the unforbidden came an unparalleled thrill. And that—that was exhilarating.

The Best Books of 2017

As the year comes to a close, I was reflecting on all the reading I've done, and decided to throw together a small list of what I think are the best books released in 2017 (NOTE: These are all opinions, and you in no way have to agree with any of them).

7. Windwitch by Susan Dennard

It feels like I read this ages ago, but Dennard really reached a new high with this novel. Every detail that she painstakingly laid in the first book of the series, "Truthwitch," came back to play a big part. Threads weaved together, she expanded her already sprawlingly epic world. It was a quick read, but it kept me on the edge of my seat. The whole. Damn. Time.

6. History Is All You Left Me by Adam Silvera

A story of love and loss and the desperate searching of a grieving child, "History Is All You Left Me" will break your heart with every turn of the page. This novel is raw and real, with emotions so real they transcend the pages and work their way into your heart. And, of course, it has the beautiful LGBT representation Silvera delivers in his work—something that can feel so hard to come across at times. Overall, one of his best works.

5. Turtles All the Way Down by John Green

To say I was apprehensive about this story would be saying the least. I don't at all hate John Green, but his previous novels to me felt saturated and pseudo-profound. However, after a few years off, Green came back with a hit. "Turtles All the Way Down" is so important to me because it tells a beautiful story without trying to be beautiful: it simply is. It feels real, and Green incorporates OCD and anxiety into the main character's narrative without forcing it—something that is incredibly important for such a high-profile author such as himself. Beautiful and real, I found myself pleasantly shocked at "Turtles All the Way Down."

4. Tower of Dawn by Sarah J. Maas

Hands down one of the most important books of this year. Though I'm a Maas fan, I almost didn't even bother picking up this book. I was annoyed they added a whole novel in the middle of the Throne of Glass series, and I didn't care to see where their adventures would lead them. However, when I got around to reading this one, I was shocked. It was beautiful and adventurous and youthful. Maas brings the readers to the lands of Antica—never before seen in the previous novels—where her imagination ran free, bringing incredible new characters, places, and fights that were so authentic and varied I couldn't help but love it. However, further than just that, Maas was more aware than ever. She had a disabled main character who was treated with the utmost respect, care, and love. Furthermore, Maas includes a much more racially varied cast, and multiple sex scenes where consent is explicitly uttered. She not only created an incredible story, but also made her book more aware than ever before. Needless to say, this is my favorite book in the series to date.

3. They Both Die at the End by Adam Silvera

I know, I know, another Adam Silvera book. This one, however, I have higher on the list because this book hit closer to home for me than HIAYLM. Obviously we have no Death Cast in the real world, and obviously we have no social media that pairs people who are dying. However, the recklessness the characters experience and the beauty in their friendship (before anything romantic or lonely occurred) felt so real and so relatable I connected much more with the characters and the story. A heartbreaking end, Silvera executed this book perfectly.

2. The Hate U Give by Angie Thomas

This book was so important when it came out. Amidst constant police violence and racism that had boiled to the front of American media, Thomas released "The Hate U Give"—a socially conscious and beautifully real account of what life is like for any black families across the country. Thomas wrote with such passion and such realism I felt shocks of terror and had fits of virulence at just how unfair Starr was treated. This book was a masterpiece, and could not be more timely.

1. A Conjuring of Light by V.E. Schwab

I'm a Schwab fan through and through. I love every book she puts out, and truly believe she has a way with words and characters that is entirely unparalleled. In this epic conclusion to the Shades of Magic series—her most popular to date—I could not believe how smoothly and beautifully she pulled off the story. It was emotional, and dangerous, and a completely heart-pounding read, however Schwab brought her series to a conclusion in this best way possible. It's my favorite book in that series, and by far the best book I read this year.